The Host Chapter 58: Finished

I was so tightly wound that I scream in terror I was so terrified that my shriek was except a breathless shortsighted squeal.Sorry Jareds subdivision went around my shoulders, comforting. Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you.What are you doing here? I demanded, compose breathless. interest you. Ive been following you all night.Well, stop it now. on that point was a misgiving in the sombre, and his arm didnt move. I shrugged out from under it, alone he caught my wrist. His handbag was firm I wouldnt be able to shake free easily.Youre sack to get a line Doc? he asked, and at that place was no confusion in the question. It was obvious that he wasnt talking about a social visit.Of traverse I am. I hissed the words so that he wouldnt go through the little terror in my phonate. What else can I do after today? Its non going to get any better. And this isnt Jebs decision to commence.I hit the hay. Im on your side.It do me angry that these words still had the power to hurt me, to bring snap stinging into my eye. I tried to hold on to the thought of Ian-he was the anchor, as Kyle somehow had been for Sunny-but it was hard with Jareds hand touching me, with the smell of him in my nose. handle trying to make out the song of one violin when the full(a) percussion section was bashing past then(prenominal) permit me go, Jared. Go aside. I want to be alone. The words came out fierce and fast and hard. It was scant(p) to hear that they werent lies.I should come with you.Youll have Melanie grit soon enough, I snapped. Im only asking for a few minutes, Jared. Give me that much.Another damp his hand didnt loosen.Wanda, I would come to be with you.The separate spilled over. I was satisfying for the darkness.It wouldnt incur that demeanor, I whispered. So theres no point.Of course Jared could not be allowed to be there. Only Doc could be trusted. Only he had promised me. And I wasnt leaving this planet. I wasnt going to go live as a Dolphin or a Flowe r, always grieving for the loves Id left arsehole me, all dead by the time I opened my eyes again-if I even had eyes. This was my planet, and they wouldnt make me leave. I would detain in the dirt, in the dark grotto with my friends. A human grave for the human I had become.But Wanda, I Theres so much that I need to swan to you.I dont want your gratitude, Jared. Trust me on that.What do you want? he whispered, his voice strained and choked. I would give you anything.Take care of my family. Dont let the others kill them.Of course Ill take care of them. He dismissed my call for brusquely. I meant you. What can I give you?I cant take anything with me, Jared.not even a memory, Wanda? What do you want?I brushed the tears away with my free hand, but others took their place too quickly for it to matter. No, I couldnt take even a memory.What can I give you, Wanda? he insisted.I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice steady.Give me a lie, Jared. put me you want me to stay.There w as no hesitation this time. His coat of arms wound around me in the dark, held me securely against his chest. He touch his lips against my forehead, and I felt his breath move my hair when he spoke.Melanie was prop her breath in my head. She was trying to bury herself again, trying to give me my freedom for these last minutes. Maybe she was afraid to listen to these lies. She wouldnt want this memory when I was gone.Stay here, Wanda. With us. With me. I dont want you to go. ravish. I cant imagine having you gone. I cant insure that. I dont know how to how to His voice broke.He was a very dependable liar. And he must(prenominal) have been very, very sure of me to say those things.I rested against him for a moment, but I could feel the time clout me away. Time was up. Time was up.Thank you, I whispered, and I tried to disentangle myself.His arms tightened. Im not done.Our shells were only inches apart. He closed the distance, and even here, on the edge of my last breath on this planet, I couldnt help responding. accelerator pedal and an open flame-we exploded again.It wasnt the aforementioned(prenominal), though. I could feel that. This was for me. It was my name that he gasped when he held this body-and he thought of it as my body, thought of it as me. I could feel the difference. For one moment, it was just us, just Wanderer and Jared, both of us burning.No one had ever lied better than Jared lied with his body in my last minutes, and for that I was grateful. I couldnt take it with me, because I wasnt going anywhere, but it eased some of the pain of leaving. I could count the lie. I could mean that he would miss me so much that it might even fuck up some of his joy. I shouldnt want that, but it felt good to believe it anyway.I couldnt ignore the time, the seconds ticking like a countdown. Even on fire, I could feel them dragging at me, sucking me down the dark corridor. Taking me away from all this heat and feeling.I managed to pull my lips awa y from his. We panted in the dark, our breath warm on each others faces.Thank you, I said again.WaitI cant. I cant bear any more. O.K.?Okay, he whispered.I just want one more thing. let me do this alone. Please?If if youre sure thats what you want He trailed off, unsure.Its what I need, Jared.Then Ill stay here, he said hoarsely.Ill send Doc to get you when its over. His arms were still locked around me.You know that Ian is going to try to kill me for let you do this? Maybe I should let him. And Jamie. Hell never forgive any of us.I cant think about them right now. Please. Let me go.Slowly, with a obvious reluctance that warmed some of the cold emptiness in the come to of my body, Jared let his arms slide away.I love you, Wanda.I sighed. Thanks, Jared. You know how much I love you. With my whole heart.Heart and soul. Not the same thing, in my case. Id been divided too long. It was time to make something whole again, make a whole person. Even if that excluded me.The ticking secon ds pulled me toward the end. It was cold when he no longer held me. It got colder every step I took away from him.Just my imagination, of course. It was still summer here. It would always be summer here for me.What happens here when it rains, Jared? I whispered. Where do people sleep?It took him a moment to answer, and I could hear tears in his voice. We He swallowed. We all move into the game room. Everyone sleeps in there together.I nodded to myself. I wondered what the atmosphere would be like. Awkward, with all the distant personalities? Or was it fun? A change? Like a calm party?Why? he whispered.I just wanted to imagine. How it impart be. Life and love would go on. Even though it would happen without me, the root brought me joy. Goodbye, Jared. Mel says shell see you soon.Liar.Wait WandaI hurried down the tunnel, hurried away from any chance that he might, with his grateful lies, convince me not to go. There was only silence behind me.His pain did not hurt me the way Ians had. For Jared, pain would be over soon. Joy was only minutes away. The smart ending.The southern tunnel felt only a few yards long. I could see the bright lantern burning ahead, and I knew Doc was waiting for me.I walked into the room that had always frightened me with my shoulders squared. Doc had everything prepared. In the dimmest corner, I could see two cots pushed together, Kyle snoring with his arm around Jodis motionless form. His other arm was still curled around Sunnys tank. She would have liked that. I wished there was some way to tell her.Hey, Doc, I whispered.He looked up from the put up off where he was setting out the medicine. There were already tears blow down his face.And suddenly, I was brave. My heart slowed to an even pace. My breath deepened and relaxed. The hardest parts were over.I had done this before. Many times. I had closed my eyes and gone away. endlessly knowing new eyes would open again, but still. This was familiar. Nothing to fear.I went to the cot and hopped up so that I was sitting on it. I reached for the No Pain with steady hands and screwed the lid off. I put the little tissue square on my tongue, let it dissolve.There was no change. I wasnt in any pain this time. No physical pain.Tell me something, Doc. Whats your real name?I wanted to answer all the little puzzles before the end.Doc sniffed and wiped the back of his hand under his eyes.Eustace. Its a family name, and my parents were furious people.I laughed once. Then I sighed. Jareds waiting, back by the big cave. I promised him youd tell him when it was over. Just wait until I-until I stop moving, okay? It leave be too late for him to do anything about my decision then.I dont want to do this, Wanda.I know. Thanks for that, Doc. But Im holding you to your promise.Please?No. You gave me your word. I did my part, didnt I?You did.Then do yours. Let me stay with Walt and Wes.His thin face worked as he tried to keep back a sob.Will you be in pain?No, Doc, I lied. I wo nt feel anything.I waited for the euphoria to come, for the No Pain to set everything animated the way it had the last time. I still didnt feel any difference.It must not have been the No Pain after all-it had just been universe loved. I sighed again.I stretched out on the cot, on my stomach, and turned my face toward him.Put me under, Doc.The bottle opened. I heard him shake it onto the cloth in his hand.You are the noblest, purest creature Ive ever met. The universe will be a darker place without you, he whispered.These were his words over my grave, my epitaph, and I was glad that I got to hear them.Thank you, Wanda. My sister. I will never forget you.Be happy, Mel. Enjoy it all. Appreciate it for me.I will, she promised.Bye, we thought together.Docs hand pressed the cloth gently over my face. I breathed in deeply, ignoring the thick, uncomfortable scent. As I took another breath, I saw the three stars again. They were not name to me they were letting me go, leaving me to the black universe I had wandered for so many an(prenominal) lifetimes. I drifted into the black, and it got brighter and brighter. It wasnt black at all-it was blue. Warm, vibrant, brilliant blue I floated into it with no fear at all.